Clerihew #06: Bardeen

John Bardeen
Was fond of sardine
Try it: you, too, may turn wise
And fly out to Stockholm twice

Clerihew #05: Kirchhoff [NSFW]

Gustav Robert Kirchhoff

Made no time to jerk off.

He got himself dysfunction:

Could loop, but not junction

Let's Make a Deal

Inside your idle brain, come shine or mighty rain,
All work and no play all night and all day --
Hardly half a moment of sleep, you see!
Look for me in the details (or check in the fai retails)
When you're loathe to decide -- I'll then come stand beside,
Whilst over your shoulder looms the deep blue sea.

To your petty conceit placate I'll send my advocate
Who'd gladly plead your cases with one of many faces
Of which he has thirty-six, like a pair o' dice.
If lonely and laust, remember Comrade Faust --
You only need to sign on the dashed dotted line,
And I give you on this sorry earth a paradise.

Yet I seek no gratitude, only purple attitude
So that folk may call your air yours-truly-may-care;
How I shall then take care of you dearly!
But I must speak to you because on your soul there is a clause
That you may haven't knone: let's talk this over phone;
Just dial two-thirds of one thousand [well, nearly].

Culinary Wisdom

For the Discerning Madrasi in Yankeedom

Pico de gallo and idli

Is a combination deadly

(They fit like lock and keys)

Never munch on fries

When you lunch on rice

(They're as chalk and cheese)

Clerihew #04: Gavaskar

Sunil Manohar Gavaskar
Must visit Madagascar
He might its climate embrace
And have a few more Sunny Days

[One sometimes abuses one's license.]

Ack.ment

The last three poems were inspired by these jewels --
1, 2, 3, 4

At the Beach

A wave slides in, and covers

the Pacific dioxides of Si.

A boat in the distance hovers

like an oil drop of Mi.

Cheat Never in Medical School

or

Learn from Roberto's Exam Hall Misadventures

Poor Bobby -- would've turned out a fine Dr.

Weren't he caught in the act by the Prr.

Asked about his action

He thought on his feet,

Hesitated a fraction

And ate up his sheet.

For, you see, he wasn't quite the conCr.

Limerick #14: A Haunting Spectre

A Brief Peep into the Life of a
Member of the
Haunting Spectres Society

An abandoned abode was he put in c/o;

When there were prospecting visitors to sc/o,

He rip't out a shriek

And out they'd freak

You got to admire his lungs, or lack th/o

Calf Muscles

Sometimes they pull.
We know not why, or how.
But they make a splendid bull,
Or cow.

History of Progresses in Science, A Brief

Most were occidental,
Some, the other ccidental.

Clerihew #03: Obama

Barack Hussein Obama

Has sure a sense of drama

Not even would Abraham

Have dreamt he'd be Uncle Sam

Limerick #13: Kronecker

There once was a gent, Kronecker.

'Sir Succinct' was his moniker.

He invented his delta,

And told Levi-Civita,

'My tensor is laconicer'

Clerihew #02: Jackson

Michael Jackson

Had a black son

Who yet might

Turn out white

Clerihew #01: Feynman

Richard Phillips Feynman

Was no Simple Simon.

Asked to prove himself, he

Came up with Q.E.D.

{Every pun is intended}

Padma Shri 2009 for Arts

Art today be ash,
And artists, trash.
They art sick,
Their art sicker.

Limerick # 12: The Price of Oil

[One of my entries for Saarang Online Creative Writing Contest. The topic: 'Connect these three not-so-obvious ideas/themes into one single piece -- Schadenfreude, Shoes, Shame.']

The world wide web laughed itself dead
After this journalist stood up and said:
'Shameless moron W!
This is gonna trouble you'
And flung his shoes at the president's head.

One Day in a London Flat

'Good morning, sir,
Wake up!
Your coffee's in the
Tea cup!'

'Dash it, Jeeves,
It's just eight!
Until I myself rise
Just spectate!'

'Very good, sir,
I'd been remiss.
In passing, let me
But mention this:

Your aunt Mrs Travers said
She'd again call.
And an angry Mrs Gregson
Is in the hall.'

Limerick # 11: Ode To Srinand Fishy Rao

There was a young man named Fishy,
Who in matters of tobacco was pushy.
Better give him a smoke,
Else your neck he'll choke;
Your only escape is to become a she.

Limerick # 10: Phytology

There was a botanist who to her rank disbelief
Learnt her beau was of communist belief.
She yelled 'You make me go red!'
'Is that true?' he grinningly said,
'Marry me and I shall turn over a new leaf.'

Parthian Shot

'Yes, goodbye!' I retorted in T9. 'I too
Am ecstatic that we wont have to SMS
Each other ever again'. I viewed my
Message in the Sent Items by
Force of habit and switched off the
Instrument. Sat back and cursed her
Profusely. 'Don't cry for her, don't', I
Told myself and put my face out the
Window of the bus. 'Oh damn', I said
Aloud a moment later. Switched
My mobile phone on again, typed up a
Message furiously and sent it and
Deleted her number from the contacts
List. Without informing me my
Fingers took me to the Sent Items
Folder. Before I could look away my
Eyes read the final message: '*won't'.

Sleepless in Chennai

It's raining cats and dogs here,

By lightning and loud thunder.

Awe it inspires, and fear,

But my sleep does it plunder!

Dearest darling, sugarcane juice,

Is it raining pets at your place, too?

Let us then hum a tune you choose,

And leap like a kangaroo.

On the Advent of Teenage

Beyond any doubt
There came about
In my gastronomical
range
An astronomical
change

Limerick Latte -- #07, #08 and #09

As sms-ed to annoy a friend.

[Note: Lab = Labrador -- her hypocorism; AJX504 -- mine.]

There was a young Lab from Trichy
Who was understandably bitchy.
When called a sow
By AJX504
She also proved to be a bit touchy.

Twenty minutes of poetic exercise,
The next five -- of wild surmise:
'Was that a good limerick?
Will it flop or will it click?'
And all she remarks is 'Lol. Nice.'

There was a young girl from Sir Sivaswamy Kalalaya
When asked 'உங்க school நல்லாருக்கா நல்லாலயா ',
She fumed and said,
'You're gonna be dead
But choose பன்னிக்கோ என் பல்லாலயா இந்த கல்லாலயா'

Limerick # 06: He is All Over My Universe

He has heavier-hearted brethren,
He ensures balloons aren't barren
And stars aren't invisible.
He is fulfilled and noble!
But so are Ne, Ar, Kr, Xe and Rn.

In the Eye of the Beholder

'Love at first sight' is a phrase today
That spells more than I could say.
A dimple on a damsel sends X up and away,
Where Y and Z become her shoulders' prey.
Some chaps fall for missies with hair astray,
While others prefer it combed in neat array,
Whereas some others swoon at a braided display.
Inference of aesthetics does not rules obey:
If one bloke deems a lass' frame just OK,
The next man sends her an anon bouquet.
I know of boys dreaming through work and play
About girls you'd goggle at if you were gay.
But no one could top my pal by name J,
Who's wired up in a fashion I can't convey;
His romantic tale is far from a cliché,
For he fell in love with a maiden's X-ray.

Love's Price

There was a certain tomboy who fell in love,
Who knew not how her lad's heart to move,
And to which end her every thought strove.

Two courses to take, she judged, to win his awe:
Either improve her looks, go coy, play the ewe
Till he comes to realize that love doth he owe,

Or kidnap the boy, stuff him up in a damp hut,
Starve him, and threaten to turn him inside out
Unless on a love pact his signature did he put.

Her upbringing and pride ruled out the first case;
But her swift hands ruled in his abduction with ease,
By landing on his mid-skull a beautiful ceramic vase.

But when she gathered that the Superintendent of Police
Was father to her object of interest, Passion ran out juice
And Panic took its stead; time it was to pay love's price.

Love's price was exorbitant, and cost her all her dough:
Till the Superintendent felt he had enough,
Sack after overflowing sack was sent through!

Limerick # 05: Edward the Unintentional

Her farm life gave Astronomy no role,
Thus is good Sue today a loveless soul:
She split up with Ed
When he fondly said,
"You attract me like a black hole".

Need Poetry Rhyme?

I composed this poem on a rainy evening.
My friends said: "This is not poetry at all!"
Dad, too, was not the least convinced:
"Bad piece of work, my son. Improve."
And mother was particularly scathing:
"Bland and pointless. Drop it in the bin."
There was no hope in profs' words either:
"Care to hear my say? This is pure stool."
"But why?" I cried, "How's this not poetry?"
"That is quite evident", they all answered,
"A poem has a rhyme scheme, young man.
ABAB, AABB, ABBA, ABABB -- you name it.
Show us the rhymers in your - er - poem."
"So that was yer charge, eh?" said an irate I.
"Then 'tisn't my fault, sirs and ma'ams, that
When a poem stares you in the face, ye
Can't tell it is one. Bad 'nough ye didn't
Grant my piece its poetry status. Worse --
All ye pundits found it self-satisfying to
Call it a worthless frill and brand me a fake.
Worst -- ye all failed to notice that the
First words in each pair of lines rhyme!"

Limerick # 04: Not a Surd

There was a doped hostess who went high,
For no earthly reason she started to cry --
She beat her chest,
And kissed a guest,
And they said she was as irrational as π.