Limerick #41: Loren(t)z

There was an old physicist called Lorenz,
Not to be confused with Lorentz.
On one's gauge we depend,
The other lengths shortened.
(Then seeded chaos a second Lorenz.)

Limerick #40: A Touch of the Dark

There was a particle of dark matter
That sought to prove it could scatter.
Into a liquid it flew
But went right through;
If only the detector had been fatter.

-------

Limerick left out of the published version of "Not just nothing, dark matter quests close in on dire 'neutrino fog'".

Limericks #33--39: Henry and His Six Wives

Henry VIII (1491-1547) gained renown for two things. In matters falling under the crown, he achieved unification of church and state, and in matters falling (or perhaps rising) under the belt, separation of skull and spine. He serial-married six women: "divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived," as the mnemonic goes. Below, more or less, is their history.

Henry, illegible bachelor.

Hercules of Britain, Henry Number Eight
Saw as the Hydra his every other mate.
Say "I do" to his face,
And there were two ways
Your per capita income could grow great.

Catherine of Aragon, who spawned "Bloody" Mary I.

                                    

King Henry he sought an alteration to home,
Made up his heart and wrote thus to Rome:
"Annul us, sir, for I ha' decyded my Queene didst lie wyth mine Fifteen-Year-old Brother after all. True, thou hadst Suffered me to wed her on Groundes that she Never did consummate her Union wyth the Wretche (may God bless his Soul in Heavene), but Surely that be an Error, sire, for Else wouldst she not Torment me these score Winters with nary a male Heire yet no End to babes stillborn, miscarryed, or Daughtery. Annul, annul. Mark'd have I a fresh Bride."
To which the pope replied,
"Have you tried transmitting the Y chromosome?"

Anne Boleyn, who bore Elizabeth I. 

Henry, happy ruler, espoused anew
A wit to pursue, a beauty to woo!
(The one time she carried,
She "It's a girl, I'm sorry"-ed.)
O he loved her to pieces! (Exactly two.)

Jane Seymour, who begat Edward VI.

Had his breeder only been shrewder,
She'd have laid him another Tudor.
But wholly unprovoked,
She up and croaked,
Leaving the widower a blubbery brooder.

Anne of Cleves as painted for Henry's assessment. He was crestfallen upon meeting her in the flesh, likely calling her a "Flanders mare"; the marriage lasted six months.

Long before the days of Instagram
The way to a gent's electrocardiogram
Was a portrait; only, in person
The impression may worsen,
Perhaps even end an alliance program.

Catherine Howard, who had had a passionate past, and was accused of an adulterous present.

Upon discovering his partner's C. V.,
With two strokes of the pen Henry
Behead-
ed
His consort, and banned the word "spree".

Catherine Parr, instrumental in passing a crucial Succession Act.  

Sage, ready queen, kept her head!
Smile on her lips, heart full of dread.
By and by the Eighth died,
Whence C. Parr duly cried,
And ensured his girls one day England led.

Limericks #21--32: The Labours of Heracles

 I. The Nemean Lion

There was a full-time predator in Nemea
Suffering from pernicious anaemia.
Before he could delve
Into hunting B-twelve
Heracles lured him into academia.

II. The Lernaean Hydra

The lake of Lernaea was home to the hydra
Whose venomous fumes singed the hide raw.
For anybody Greek
Heracles v The Freak
Turned out to be that year's high draw.

III. The Golden Hind of Ceryneia

Whereas as asses it too has grass,
Despite its name a hind ain't an ass.
Now Heracles did pinch
Its every square inch,
But I can't stress enough that wasn't crass.

IV. The Erymanthian Boar

There was in Erymanthia a boar,
Until there it was no more.
As Heracles drifted,
It'd quietly shifted 
Hearing it was Labour Number Four.

V. The Augean Stables

The stables of King Augeas stung your lung,
For three decades' worth of dung had clung. 
Lest he lose his mind, 
Heracles sought to find 
The cleanest notes any tongue had sung.

VI. The Stymphalian Birds

Next he declared: "Stymphalia or bust!"

Its metallic flock never could rust,
But met their fate
In his sly bait:
What chewed the plastic, bit the dust.

VII. The Cretan Bull

A lonesome creature in Crete

Heard a man wished to meet.
"I'm calf, not bull,
Grown half, not full.
Surely my feelings he'll tenderly treat?"

VIII. The Mares of Diomedes 

Pegasus the beautiful, he could take wing;
Diomedes' terribles were man-eating.
Can you guess which
The hero had to hitch?
Why not the Trojan one? was his thinking.

IX. The Girdle of Hippolyta

"Amazon dread queen, Hippolyta, I'm.

State your purpose, waste no time."
The Herculean task
Was then to ask:
"Is your belt available on Prime?"

X. The Cattle of Geryon

Three-headed Geryon -- how his waist narrows!

Eagle-eyed Heracles --  beware his arrows!
The cattle! the battle!
Hark! the death rattle!
(OK, Geryon now lies with the pharaohs.)

XI. The Golden Apples of the Hesperides

The Hesperides' garden bore forbidden fruit
Whose juices immortalized the lowest brute.
Had our chap taken a bite
I'd've'd the pleasure to write
He was found impossible to hang or electrocute.

XII. Cerberus

Down in Hades to anyone who'd heed
Cerberus woofed, "Pray, what's my breed?"
He learnt it the day
H took him away:
One moment retriever, the next retrieved.

-----

Images from
https://www.kidslovegreece.com,
https://www.theoi.com,
https://www.vectorstock.com,
https://www.sciencephoto.com,
https://www.greekboston.com,
https://www.ipernity.com.

Limerick #20: ABBAA

His punchlines always came first.
Couldn't hold a thought --
And he often forgot --
Where suspense tends to fare worst,
There was that limericist from Amherst...

(A "good" editor would, of course, reverse the line order:

There was that limericist from Amherst...
Where suspense tends to fare worst,
And he often forgot --
Couldn't hold a thought --

His punchlines always came first.)

Limericks -- #16, 17, 18, 19

There was an uninteresting girl from New Highs.
Visit New Highs, a gastronome's paradise.
They bake an exquisite pie.
Where was I?
An unint... try their French fries!

There was a planet-maker from Houston. 
He had some angular momenta but he'd ousnon.
The dark sides got cold,
Therefore he was told
He could only keep his job if a fouspon.

There shall be a queen from Florence.
To hate aging she will commence;
She'd slit the throat
Of anyone that wrote
Anything of her in past tense.

There was a young man from Kitts. 
There was a young man from Ritz. 
10
Men
Have appeared in these lines (in bits). 

Limerick #15: The Plight of the Classingtons

There was a young man from Limerick

Whose name was Classington Jim Eric;

For Mr and Mrs Classington, his rhyme-loving parents, when they brought Eric into our world sought for him a suitable middle name, and noticed their town's connection to humoury verse,

And as even all their love for the lyrical had never aided them to summon a word that for every syllable rhymed with their city's name [can you find one? Give it a shot], they concocted a brainchild: they settled on 'Jim' and advertised the toddler's name in reverse.

So the coincidence isn't quite chimeric.

Limerick #14: A Haunting Spectre

A Brief Peep into the Life of a
Member of the
Haunting Spectres Society

An abandoned abode was he put in c/o;

When there were prospecting visitors to sc/o,

He rip't out a shriek

And out they'd freak

You got to admire his lungs, or lack th/o

Limerick #13: Kronecker

There once was a gent, Kronecker.

'Sir Succinct' was his moniker.

He invented his delta,

And told Levi-Civita,

'My tensor is laconicer'

Limerick # 12: The Price of Oil

[One of my entries for Saarang Online Creative Writing Contest. The topic: 'Connect these three not-so-obvious ideas/themes into one single piece -- Schadenfreude, Shoes, Shame.']

The world wide web laughed itself dead
After this journalist stood up and said:
'Shameless moron W!
This is gonna trouble you'
And flung his shoes at the president's head.

Limerick # 11: Ode To Srinand Fishy Rao

There was a young man named Fishy,
Who in matters of tobacco was pushy.
Better give him a smoke,
Else your neck he'll choke;
Your only escape is to become a she.

Limerick # 10: Phytology

There was a botanist who to her rank disbelief
Learnt her beau was of communist belief.
She yelled 'You make me go red!'
'Is that true?' he grinningly said,
'Marry me and I shall turn over a new leaf.'

Limerick Latte -- #07, #08 and #09

As sms-ed to annoy a friend.

[Note: Lab = Labrador -- her hypocorism; AJX504 -- mine.]

There was a young Lab from Trichy
Who was understandably bitchy.
When called a sow
By AJX504
She also proved to be a bit touchy.

Twenty minutes of poetic exercise,
The next five -- of wild surmise:
'Was that a good limerick?
Will it flop or will it click?'
And all she remarks is 'Lol. Nice.'

There was a young girl from Sir Sivaswamy Kalalaya
When asked 'உங்க school நல்லாருக்கா நல்லாலயா ',
She fumed and said,
'You're gonna be dead
But choose பன்னிக்கோ என் பல்லாலயா இந்த கல்லாலயா'

Limerick # 06: He is All Over My Universe

He has heavier-hearted brethren,
He ensures balloons aren't barren
And stars aren't invisible.
He is fulfilled and noble!
But so are Ne, Ar, Kr, Xe and Rn.

Limerick # 05: Edward the Unintentional

Her farm life gave Astronomy no role,
Thus is good Sue today a loveless soul:
She split up with Ed
When he fondly said,
"You attract me like a black hole".

Limerick # 04: Not a Surd

There was a doped hostess who went high,
For no earthly reason she started to cry --
She beat her chest,
And kissed a guest,
And they said she was as irrational as π.

Limerick # 03: The Nightboat Crew Club

The strict fourteen-member ship,
Elected to cancel his membership,
When helmsman John,
With all the lights on,
Pinched one female member's hip.
[ Note that lines 01, 02 & 05 are more than rhymers ;) ]

Limerick # 02: The Transitory Larcenist

Came on board a pick-pocket,
Who did not purchase a ticket.
He took the conductor's purse,
And for better or worse,
Jumped off the bus and kicked the bucket.

Limerick # 01: Okapi

Once they let out a caged okapi,
Who hence turned terribly happy.
He excreted his goo
Throughout the zoo
And they put him in the dinner recipe.